Hello Broadway Family,
When I began this internship in the fall of '21, I was open about not self-identifying as Christian. However, I did express a willingness to talk and preach about Jesus, as I did feel he was divine and a great teacher, healer and on the side of the oppressed. In my first (school year), my theological development was centered around deepening my comfort and knowledge around talking about Jesus. Over the Summer break, due to personal situations, I came to a deeper appreciation around the gifts of forgiveness and grace that Jesus offers. I also came to a theological way to integrate my existing spiritual beliefs with the belief in the grace offered by Jesus.
It is in this context that I enjoyed our Advent and Christmas services. Up until Advent, I would say that this appreciation of Jesus as Christ was intellectual. I could talk about it with ease, and think about it with some depth, but it hadn't reached my heart yet. However, with Advent and Christmas, I found that my heart was beginning to stir. When I preached about the possibility that all children represent, and that Jesus as babe especially personifies, I felt it. When I decorated the trees in the church, and my own tree at home, I felt wonder about the coming holiday. When we lit candles and held hands at the Christmas Eve service, I was moved by our connections to one another and to God, and by our shining of lights into the dark, still night.
So, this last Sunday, when I was preparing for worship and I knew I would have the opportunity to reaffirm my baptism vows, I was ready for the possibility that I might wish to participate. I was still surprised, however, at how strongly I felt about it.
With each vow, as Alka spoke the questions, I listened with my full heart, to make sure I agreed with every word before affirming them with my voice. I had told myself beforehand that if I did not agree with even a word, I wouldn't say "I do." I found that I said "I do" to all three questions.
These were the questions:
Do you accept God’s call to resist evil, injustice and oppression in whatever guise they present themselves? I do.
Do you truly and earnestly recognize your human limits and brokenness and desire to grow in grace? I do.
Do you accept Jesus as the symbol of unconditional grace, the source of your freedom to act — to act boldly — in this world? I do.
Every question that Alka asked, I heard deeply, and agreed with completely, with my whole self. So, as I said "I do" to each part, I felt this welling of peace and joy inside of me. I felt renewed, fulfilled, hopeful and grateful. In my renewing of my baptismal vows, I felt very strongly how important Jesus now is in my life, and how I want him to be a part of my life forever more. I found tears coming from my eyes, during the vows and even into the next part of the service, as my heart was overflowing with emotion.
I was able to fully agree with and feel these three vows, so I do now feel have renewed them in my heart. This is an interesting place to be in, as I have not rejected any of my old beliefs, either. I don't feel that I was asked to. I do feel that I have been affirmed in my desire to grow in God, to resist evil, justice and oppression, to heal, to continue deepening my connection with Jesus, and to act in loving and bold ways in the world.
I feel that this experience of renewing vows was a seed in my heart and life. I cannot yet see how it will someday flower. However, I feel very good about this journey I am on. I'm curious how my faith will grow over the next few months, even as I learn more about how Jesus' ministry grows, and as we then eventually enter into Lent. I would like to share that growth with you, even a bit, in my writings here and possibly in my sermons. I look forward to it.
I am grateful to be on this journey with you, my friends. Whether or not you were able to attend worship this last Sunday, I hope that you feel the open availability of God's love for you, especially shown in how he sent Jesus into the world to give us the grace of forgiveness and peace. If you'd like, you could also ponder the questions above, and consider your own answers. The grace of Jesus does not require attendance at church, it is available to you anytime you feel ready.
